A very cordial welcome to you from the Inferno!
We at the Inferno pride ourselves on possessing the most exclusive, the most select, and the most neutral poker tables in this or any other reality. At our game, you can confidently gamble your money – or more exotic commodities, if you should happen to possess any — in comfort and security.
You are receiving this letter because the House have become aware that you have come into possession of an item that we feel would make a exciting addition to the stakes at our table.
We would like to invite you to attend our upcoming poker night, on Saturday 5th September, accessible via the back room of the Iron Duke pub in Brighton.
We look forward to having the pleasure of your company,
Proprietor of The Inferno, Inc.
On the security of the Inferno’s guests
Rest assured that every effort has been made to ensure that your journey to and time within the Inferno is a safe and pleasant one. The Inferno maintains a covenant of hospitality, protecting all guests* and staff from harm and negating any supernatural effects within casino grounds, including those of any items wagered.
Inferno’s staff are all trained in the use of geas to ensure fair play. Out of respect for the integrity of our guests, these are not performed on entry. Our croupiers are, however, at their discretion to apply this binding wherever they feel the stakes at a table merit it, and to extract whatever restitution they consider appropriate from any guests caught cheating.
* (A guest is defined as a visitor to the Inferno capable of wagering assets in games of skill or chance.)
On the games available to guests
The Inferno’s croupiers will be managing two concurrent tables of Texas Hold ‘Em and five-card draw over the course of the night. These games will be adjudicated by the House, so you can be assured that any rules disputes will be settled fairly. Should attendance warrant it, a third table shall be opened operating a game of Perudo (“Liar’s Dice”).
You are welcome, of course, to run your own games under the Inferno’s roof. If you want to stake your possessions on any other game — from Cribbage to Pairs (or even, if you must, blackjack) — you are more than welcome to do so, but you do so at your own risk: in the event of a dispute, the House will find in favour of the dealer.
All wagers within the House must be in multiples of $1000, as we don’t hold with fiddling small change at this casino. Our commisary desk has taken the liberty of converting the cash you have brought into an appropriate number of rolls in the local currency. We would remind guests that commentary of the the Bank of Hell’s current exchange rates is considered gauche in the extreme.
On non-standard stakes
Many visitors to the Inferno bring with them objects or curios of sufficient value to place as a stake. These will be valued in advance by the House, and a label attached to demonstrate that they have been approved and verified. The House will only accept curios that have been valued by this way.
When bidding with a curio, it is not permitted to ‘make change': you may not for, example, raise by $2000 by adding a curio worth $3000 to the pot and removing $1000 in banknotes. You may, however, add a curio for less than its full value (if, for example, you wish to ‘see’ a bet without raising further, or meet ante using a curio) in which case the remainder of the curio’s value will count as an automatic raise in any subsequent rounds of betting. Be warned, however, that this credit will be lost should you fold or otherwise be removed from the game before it is used.
Many visitors have an interest in gambling less tangible assets. The House will be happy to accommodate this. If approached, the holder of the ledger will arrange the necessary transaction, value the commodity to be traded, and produce a chit conferring ownership.
As years of one’s life are a popular transaction, these are represented with poker chips, and are valued at $1000 per five years. In anticipation of guest needs, and to lessen the administrative strain on the House’s cashiers at the start of the night, we have taken the liberty of including within your starting bankroll thirty years of your current lifespan.
On the rules of poker